BankingOntheEnemy 2009-02-11 19:41:37

Wow...I totally missed my grammar errors from using the song. I caught the one at the end as soon as I submitted it and I was a little upset with myself for making such a careless error (its versus it's). You're right though about the grammar throughout being "iffy." Thanks also for the comments about my theme. This was the first fan fiction I ever wrote and as such, I assumed the goal was to follow the flash. It wasn't until after I submitted that I actually learned otherwise.

To answer your question, I wrote it the way I did based largely on what I teach my third graders. (Believe me, I am much more cautious of my spelling and grammar mistakes with them). I start by having them write the "where" of their stories. This sets the stage for the development of a complete story with a beginning, middle, and end. Its funny because you used the term "mental image," which is exactly what I try to elicit from my students. I'll tell them to give me a good "mind picture."

The only other part I want to address with this was the plot. My apologies if it didn't seem cohesive enough. That was actually one of my worries when I wrote my story. I tried to compensate by tying in an over-arching theme of the pumpkin, but I don't know how well I pulled that off. Apparently, I didn't pull it off well enough.

Anyway, thanks so much for reading it through and giving me some feedback. I am not participating in this next contest, but I will keep your comments and criticisms in mind for the next time I do participate.