The image of the brooding old leader flinging himself from a tower reminded me of The Return of the King. I assume that was an intentional allusion. Your descriptions were nice and you create a good sense of the room with your imagery. I especially enjoy your use of the alcohol to expand the sensory experience beyond the visual and the audible. That said, I can't help but think that this entire episode would have been better presented as a dramatic monologue. I know it's out of left field, but I think the real meat of the story here is his descent into madness--one which would be much more interesting to explore entirely through his own raving. However, it's still very gripping in its present form. Good job.
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Shane Cartledge
@WritersBlock
Age 33, Male
Curtin Uni
Perth, Australia
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Comments
Thanks for the comments, much appreciated. I do a lot of writing in first person perspective, so every now and then, I just mix it up a little bit. However, I think you're right, first person perspective would have exposed more elements, more of his deep dark secrets, his emotions. The awkward thing about this is that he dies at the end. I've written first person stories where the narrating main character dies in the end, and it's tricky and a little awkward. Thanks again, it's great to hear some nice, detailed feedback.
so... the alcohol wiped his mind and relieved him of his age? huh, interesting
...
so why exactly is the position called the "Timekeeper"
That is a mystery. It makes sense in the light of that 'universe' however, I never fomrulated a standardised definition. The Timekeeper does Timekeeperish things. That's about it.
what's the Australian Penalty for driving drunk again? something about having one's name posted in the paper so all can point and laugh at one's humiliation?
I'm not sure, to be honest. Probably a fine and some demerit points. Why do you ask?
random question popped into my head, I heard the answer a while back but since forgot, I know in some countries it's punishable by death though D:
If you have an accident while drunk driving, and you're to blame, and someone dies, you can be charged with manslaughter. There's varying degrees on the charges laid and the penalties. A drunk driving accident can result in jailtime.
Also, Australia doesn't have the death penalty. I think death is far too steep a payment for drunk driving. I know I'm not allowed to have any alcohol in my system, and once, ONCE, I've had one drink a couple of hours before I went driving. If I were caught and sentenced to death for having a BAC slightly exceeding 0.00%, that'd be so fucking unfair. I have no idea where you heard that.
the death penalty for drunk driving is in some arabic nations, I never said it was in Australia, I was just giving a comparison
I was just giving my insight as to what it would be like here. I never said it was either.
oh, right ^^;
ya.
Ocean
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WritersBlock
Ty.